this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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