Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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