I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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