So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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