what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
