i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
