When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
