Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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