then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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