I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
