is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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