I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
