We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
