I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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