I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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