Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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