took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
