the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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