Tell her she can't have a vagina
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
