Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
