I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
