his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
