brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
