he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
