Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
