Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
