remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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