I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
