I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
