I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
