He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
