If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize