with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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