what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
