Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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