Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
