I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize