quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
