Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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