can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
