as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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