Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
