I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
