do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The ass gains better be worth it
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