I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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