Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im drinking this country out of the recession.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
