As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
