When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
