im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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