drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
