one two three fourrrrnication!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
