I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
