they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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