There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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