Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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