Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
