I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
