Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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