My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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