You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
