I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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