i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
