i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
