1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
