You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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