Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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