Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
