i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
