So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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