We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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