i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
