You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
