Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
