he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
