the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
