i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
