I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
