I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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