She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
