I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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