I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
